Seeing your dumbass truck really fucked me up
Being a sad bitch
You keep looking for answers to justify why it didn’t work out and why it probably never will.
You ask your friends and maybe a stranger, but most importantly, you ask yourself. You question why you weren’t good enough and what made him want her instead.
You cry and you sigh and you go over it in your head a hundred times. You fight with yourself. You hate yourself.
But at some point, you have to stop. You have stop wondering and waiting and asking, and just accept that what happened, happened. He did what he did because he chose to do it, and that’s the only answer you need.
And if you can’t accept it, learn from it. Become stronger and wiser and know that although you didn’t get what you wanted with him, you’re going to get something so much greater from someone else someday.
In school they teach you
how to multiply 9x8
make you read Macbeth
and have you memorize the first 10 amendments to the constitution.
But they don’t teach you how to
stop loving someone who has
stopped loving you
or how to deal with losing
a friend to an unsaid goodbye
and a relative to a cancer that ate
away their brain.
At home I learned
from my father that
alcohol can make as many problems
as it solves
but damn does it feel good
to let my throat burn instead of my heart
and to tune out the problems in my head
that I just couldn’t solve.
Because life isn’t 9x8
and it isn’t the way authors describe
their characters in a story.
It’s those nights you lay awake
wishing things could be different
and it’s the next day when you realize they can’t
and then it’s how you pick yourself up
after being down for so long.